[20] Quarter century reflections

I want to go back to the time when getting high meant on a swing.When dad was the only hero. When love was mum's hug. When dad's shoulder was the highest place on earth. When your worst enemies were your siblings. When the only thing that could hurt were wounded knees. When the only things broken were toys and when goodbyes meant only till tomorrow. Now we realize that life has changed so much~ AA

This dil kholna in this post is courtesy a trying period in all phases of life over the last few months and this semester break offers a brief intermission to take stock of things and error correct. I dont know if this is what they call quarter life crises.Just thought to pour out some thoughts in this post. How many of us look out of the window wondering where it all went. The world not looking like anything like what we wanted to grow up in.

We wanted epic adventures and what do we get.. four days vacation. We wanted a mission..we go for groceries. We wanted a purpose and we get cubicles. We wanted a beautiful, enchanting damsel..we get a jaded career women(ya woh bhi nahi :p). We wanted a castle..we get a rented apartment. We wanted wisdom..we get insipid talkshows. We wanted treasures..we get a wage. We wanted to be a knight with a shining armor who would change the world..we end up becoming a face in the crowd dabbling away in our routine. We wanted fairy tale endings... we get reality, which is a boulevard of broken dreams. It just seems that whole of life is a never ending chase for one thing to another till the graveyard is hit.

Maybe we are not entitled to anything. Maybe we are here to give our deepest gifts in a totally unrestrained manner no matter what the situation. Knowing what we offer may not be accepted. Knowing that whatever we create will be destroyed only to stoop and build it again with worn out tools without loss of enthusiasm or trust. Maybe thats what Bruce Lee meant when he wrote in Tao of Jeet Kun Do to be the water and not the rock. Maybe rough and smooth are but the same and is just the interpretation we put on it. Easier said than done. Maybe thats why they call it practice. To conclude with a sher by Ghalib that seems somewhat relevent to this post

Mareez-e-khwab tu ab shafaa hai 'Ghalib'

Magar....duniya badi kadwi dawa thi

Angreji translation:

You are now cured from the illness of dreams 'Ghalib'

But...world was a very bitter medicine

[19] Madhushala

I stumbled upon this masterpiece a few days ago again. I had read it in my undergrad. But sometimes when I read something again after a gap, it appears totally different and new. Similar thing happened with this poem.

Madhushala was written by Harivansh Rai Bachan in 1935. Madhushala litrally means tavern or bar and this poem consists of 135 versus describing daaru in all its beauty. The analogies and metaphors he uses in his descriptions paints such a vivid picture, one cant help but be in awe. He links up madhushala to array of topics- love, unity, death, purpose in life, worship,heaven to name a few. I love Bachan's writing style in this poem. He builds ip the plot and tension in the first three lines of the verse with clever use of words and rhyme and releases it dramatically in the last line leaving the reader with goosebumps. On the superficial level, Madhushala can be mistaken to be celebration of liqour, extolling the virtues of drinking. But, to a discerning person it is the celebration of life, joy in the purest form; a life devoid of orthoxies, make-believe and dogma.

The superficial research I conducted on it says that it was written when his wife was on her deathbed with TB. Makes me wonder, how suffering drives some people to build layers over their core and some people go deeper into the depths of their souls and come up with their magnum opus. But I am drifting.

This is good read for anybody who has remote interest in poetry and arts. Though I believe that Bigger B is considered by many as a one hit wonder,  in his defense if they are going to compare all his works with a classic as this he has a huge standard to live up to so give him a break.

Its difficult to decide my favourite verse, but if I have to choose one it would be this one.

bane pujaari premi saaqi, gangaajal pawan haalaa
rahe pherata avirat gati se, madhu ke pyaalon ki maalaa
aur liye jaa, aur piye jaa, isi mantra ka jaap kare
maen Shiv ki pratimaa ban baethun, mandir ho yeh MADHUSHAALAA.

Angreji translation:
He  imagines the beloved bartender as the priest, and the drink as holy as gangajal,
And counts rapidly on the rosary of his pegs,
His only mantra is "Take more. Drink more."

[In his imagination] he becomes the image of Shiva and his temple, Madhushaalaa. 

[18] Federer Vs Nadal - A rivalry to cherish

Waking up at 5 has never been so good. Sipping lemon tea in the coziness of a blanket and watching two gladiators of tennis battle their guts out for the Australian open title is the best way to celebrate Sunday morning.

This rivalry among these greats has been on for sometime, and this time Nadal had to prove that Wimbledon 2008 and his rank 1 is no fluke and did that in style. It is truly a match made in tennis heaven and is a privilege to watch these two athletes compete and both of them more than lived up to their expectations. What makes this my fav rivalry is the ways these two players complement each other so beautifully.

Federer had his pristine touch, and watching him play is pure poetry. The way he flows is like a river is like an artist at work. He hits the baselines with the accuracy and precision of a cruise missile. He embodies classical tennis at its magical best. He is a sorcerer who can deposit the ball to any corner he chooses from anywhere with amazing grace and finesse.

On the other hand Nadal embodies more contemporary tennis. He is a machine endowed with left arm of God.He has an amazing defensive game, plays the angles beautifully and out of nowhere can come up with winners to the astonishment of everybody. He has the knack of raising his game to a totally different level when the big points come into play. The difference between the two players in this match would be in the third set when he was trailing 0-40 in the third set and came back to win the game and the set. Some of the tennis in the third and fourth set was from a different planet. It would have been super demoralizing for Federer. He is like a moving wall and returns everything. He came back after a mentally and physically draining, marathon five setter against Verdasco in semis with one day rest to play another five setter today and even towards the end looked fit to play another five setter.

I was crestfallen to see Federer cry during the presentation speech and say 'Its killing me'. It was as if the tears spoke saying he had tried absolutely everything. It showed that he was human too and my respect for him has grown many fold. This victory would be the entry of Nadal in the legends category. Though rivals, the way they met each other after the game, it seemed that they had utmost regard and admiration of each others game.

Ten hours after the game, I am still high on adrenalin. I hope to draw energy and inspiration from this match during tuff times.

[17] The Power of Now

The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle is the most transformative book I have read, and I would go so far to say that if you were to read one book in your entire life, I would recommend this one. It is not a self help book like the title sounds, but could be described  more as a spiritual treatise. The book talks about end of suffering, not at the cosmetic level but the root cause level. After oscillating between being a religious zealot and a rebellious athiest most of my life, this book offers another perspective, and while reading it was a series of epiphany one after the other. It seems like, this book treads the underlying thread that all religions have been pointing to, which has been distorted over the years by priests for their vested interests. 

The theme of this book is that past and future are illusions created by the mind and take us away from the 'now' which is all there is, and all the suffering in our life is caused by the unconscious identification with the mind, which drags away from our true self. To explain furthur, if you are reading this you would have had a lot of life experiences so far. You would have experienced happiness, sadness, fallen in love, fallen out of love, trauma, misery, depression, ecstacy etc in varying proportions. But is there something that is remains changeless despite the changing experiences? Tolle calls it the consciousness or the silent observer of events, which is beyond the comprehension of the mind but can only be experienced. It is  not to be confused as a lethargic or passive observer but this incredibly alive, alert and  intelligent silence could be the womb of all creation itself. It is the beautiful silence characterised by harmony through which nature operates- an embryo grows into a baby, seed germinates into a tree, the sun rises and sets,stars twinkle, universe expands etc.

Athletes sometimes experience moments, while playing their sport when they feel invincible which is commonly referred by them as 'the zone'. Similarly, sometimes while writing poetry, watching a sunset, painting, having a flash of brilliant idea we experience something magical. What is common in all these states is that the constant chattering of the mind is absent, and we are just present. Tolle says, any act of true creation takes place not because of thinking or mind but because we accessed to  the 'gaps' in thinking. He says, the mind is an accumulation of past experiences and interpretations and incapable of coming up with anything original. However, due to the massive momentum of the mind it takes over us and we are possessed by it and rather than us using the mind, the mind uses us, and thus separates us from our true nature.  

Furthur, Tolle says, the turbulance in the world is caused by the turbulance in the collective consciousness. Turbulance is the world would refer to all the wars going on, terrorism, rape, murder, child abuse, poverty, disease and even natural disasters like Tsunami, global warming etc. You might say, How the hell am I responsible for all these which have nothing to do with me? It is a concept which you might better understand after reading the book. I was shocked when I read the following statistic. The last hundred years has seen humans kill 100 million of their fellow species, which is as much as amount of people killed in the last 2000 years. The insanity of the collective mind, amplified by science and technology, is rapidly taking our species to the brink of disaster. This statistic does not include the emotional wounds we continue to inflict on each other by identification with the unconscious mind. Tolle says, 'You do not become good by trying to be good, but by finding the goodness that is already within you, and allowing the goodness to emerge. But it can only emerge if something fundamental changes in your state of consciousness.'

I usually hesitate to share my opinions on these topics in a public domain, and I risk sounding new agey in this post, but since we are more restless and preoccupied than ever and this post is a humble attempt to try to bring to light the urgency of the situation. Living the concepts of this book could lead not only to true and lasting power, abundance, relationships and inner peace but even possibly enligtenment or Buddhahood. I would love to discuss (not debate) about this furthur with anybody interested.

Death is a stripping away of all that is not you. The secret of life is to "die before you die" --- and find that there is no death ~Eckhart Tolle- ThePower of Now - page 46

[16] Self Torture

Last couple of weeks, I have been at my slacking best. Winters are not my fav season, and this time it is worse than the past years in Florida. Since I got this new queen size blanket, getting out of it in the mornings is soo agonizing. Research too has reached a semi dead end and spent most of the time spacing out in the lab. Missed couple of deadlines in couple of major homeworks and research deadlines and casual with other Aal baal activities which I love. In short, Murphy is after my tail and I have been sleepwalking thru life. So I needed some severe shock treatment. And on thanksgiving day I decided to provide just that by watching Padmashree Laloo Prasad Yadav and to record my horror story I am blogging it so that it will be a reminder everytime I get into those phases.

A rude awakening it was. It is the epitome of bad movies. Trust me, it cannot get worse than this. It felt as if Mahesh Manjrekar had to be on dope to direct such a crap after decent movies like Vaastav and Astitva. SuniEl Shetty gave a idiotic performance as usual. He thought adding an 'E' to his name will improve his acting performances. Just his image can grind my gears. A comedy which had dialogs that tried hard to be funny but ended up like jokes of a bored fifth class student. I am just amazed at the creative talents of the scriptwriter to come up with such cheapness.

You must watch this movie if you want to know how bad a bad movie can be. Personally, it was not just a waste of 2 hrs for me as this was a therapeautic movie which blasted me out of the trance and am grateful for it. Not only that this movie is like a tapas because it helps in pushing my abilities in tolerating crap.

When the shit hits the fan some guys run and some stay. I stayed and endured. The CuriousGanja challenge of the month is to watch this movie without mentally switching off.

[15]The Tao of Fight Club

This is one of the profound movies I have seen. Though I had seen it before it hadnt captivated me as much as when I saw it about 18 months ago, and have been addicted to most of the clips read the book many a times since and love discussing about it. Just to make sure, I am not talking about the SuniEl Shetty starring Fight club , but the one starring Brad Pitt, Edward Norton based on Chuck Palahniuk's novel.

Regarding this movie people are divided in two categories. The ones that hate the movie and ones that love the movie.

The basic premise of the movie revolves around the philosophy that we are God's unwanted children with no special place and no special attention and this is not the worst thing that can happen but is liberating in a way. It is close to Nietzsche's philosophy of Nihilism. When you see the movie and read the book (Warning:Book is pretty unpleasant at parts) with all the reverence I had for it, it was like your eyes are rubbed in broken glass at first, then you are being punched. The world seems broken. But somehow you keep reading. And after you rub the pulp from your eyes you realize something. The world is not broken. In fact, it is more together than the time you started reading it(stolen lines..but seemed apt here). It sort of embodies a peculiar masculine sort of sadomasochism 'Self improvement isint the answer, self-destruction is'.
Self destruction maybe synonymous to destroying the society created self image which identifies the individual with his position, possessions, indoctrinations and thoughts.

The whole control demolition idea was to nullify the influence of societal control on our actions. This was accomplished by setting up an underground boxing network called the fight club and the violence escalates to attempted bombings. The movie is less acts of fantasized revenge rather elaborate acts of self ruin.'Its only after you have lost everything are you free to do anything'. Palahniuk might have envisioned the resulting individual to be free of criticism or complements of others, who neither considers himself superior or inferior to anybody and fearless of any challenge.

I loved Pitt's powerful casting in the movie as Tyler Durden, his smarts, his nerve which were both a fantasy and delusion, in the end which Tyler turns out to be. I dont know if this would lead to bliss in long term, and I think Tyler should not be taken literally. But there are some nuggets of wisdom that are really cool.

In the last chapter of the book, after the narrator shoots himself there is the following excerpt in heaven which I found awesome.

I've met God across his long walnut desk with his diplomas hanging on the wall behind him, and God asks me, "Why?" Why did I cause so much pain? Didn't I realize that each of us is a sacred, unique snowflake of special unique specialness? Can't I see how we're all manifestations of love? I look at God behind his desk, taking notes on a pad, but God's got this all wrong. We are not special. We are not crap or trash, either. We just are. We just are, and what happens just happens. And God says, "No, that's not right." Yeah. Well. Whatever. You can't teach God anything. ~Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club, Chapter 30

[14] Chicken - For the love(or hate) of it

Rewind six and a half years ago to land of the surds, Jalandhar, India, where there was a pampered, teetoteller, God fearing, tambram child whose among several virtues was also that he was as innocent as a dove set foot enthusiastically for the first time away from his home into the 'real world' to set himself up to become an engineer and explore what the world has to offer.

Cut to end of first semester. After attending the boring classes during the day, and into the hands of seniors who had the gift of testing the mental and physical limit and who cud put the crucifiers of Jesus to shame thru the nites for four months straight. Followed by supplimentary in computer programming course, a course in which students from deepest jungles of Bihar who hadnt seen a computer in their lives cleared. Add to it being shot down in his first proposal to a girl.

The boy lay in his room depressed as crap wondering if this was all there is to life. These are the times true friends come and show you the path. He too found a mentor in Kukkar. He advised him to dissolve everything in alcohol. After a bit of coaxing both of them were at the local dhaba. Soon there was two mugs of beer and chicken tikka in front of them. There was a bit of last minute resistance from the boy like that of a gharelu bharatiya naari in her suhaagraat. While the tape running in his head was of all the two generations of ancestors advising him on the brahminical duties, veganism etc. while Kukkar was still not out of fundas and some of them so compelling that his hand automatically lifted the leg piece and bit it. This guy could even sell ice to eskimos. It felt chewy to him at first, the juices from the marination started flowing as he kept chewing, the combination of the chicken and the marinate started mixing in his mouth in a tumultous manner, as if they were fighting, but still made for each other. This unparalled turbulance in his mouth obscured all his worries and anxieties and exalted him to instant nirvana. It was as if clouds had parted, angels singing and God in all her glory came to him and whispered in his ears that she still cares and was in a whole new world. He experienced bliss. Since then this became his addiction and this new bond helped him see the trying times at the insti with a smile on his face.

Forward four years to Nashik. He met a like minded soul in Khare with same love for chicken. He is also the king of Faltugiri and he has a philosophy that it was his mission to reduce the chicken population of the world. He was as ruthless as Steve Waugh's captaincy when chicken was in front of him and it was inspirational how he would make the authorities of Taj regret charging only Rs 500 for a all you can eat dinner. That was an inspirational scene. Thereafter, both of them ravished different varieties of chicken all over the town. It was an education staying with him and made him appreciate the naunces of loving chicken.

And now, this guy still marvels this little creation, which sacrifices itself as a felicity to humanity and is unconscionable in tasting all varieties of chicken delicacies available in the world.

Chicken dont die, they attain martyrdom.

PS:All Menaka Gandhi fans and vegan fanatics..Pl dont hate and stay away from the comments tab